The 2022 Oscars Offered an Unexpected Lesson in Restraint and Accountability
From one, an exercise in restraint that prevented a bad situation from turning worse. In the other, accountability for wrongdoing and an example we can be grateful for.
Our family is fond of the art of cinema, but we’re not aficionados of its award ceremonies. This is certainly true of the Oscars. I’m just the type of person who doesn’t require validation of his favorite actors or movies. But I, and millions of people had pretty rapt attention on the 25 seconds that basically overshadowed the entire ceremony; the strike heard round the world. Will Smith, casually walking up to presenter Chris Rock, and suddenly striking him, followed by curses from Smith and an awkward silence. The takes (and the memes) were quickly and endlessly forthcoming after the fact. In reflecting on what happened, I’m surprised to see myself feeling a nod of respect towards both men, seeing how both of them exemplified qualities that I think are worthwhile and beneficial for us all, in one application or another.
While we can parade on about “both sides” of the matter, or promote a hashtag for whose team you are taking, I’d rather not. So here’s an alternative take on the slap heard round the world and its subsequent ramifications.
First, a consideration of Chris Rock. He is foremost a comedian, and a pretty renowned one at that. His job as a presenter during the Oscars was simple and straightforward; present an award, and keep the audience entertained. So his default mode of entertainment is obviously going to be comedy. And his joke directed at Jada Pinkett Smith and her shaved head, absolutely did not merit a physical assault from Will Smith. Period. End of analysis.
The were two rebuttals offered in defense of Smith’s actions, at least one of which I find a little more reasonable than the other. First, He was defending his wife. I disagree. Defensive action is only validated in measure of the attack being offered. If a child ran up to my wife and started insulting her, there is no jury in the world that would not convict me were I to hurl a brick at this child on the grounds that I was simply “defending my wife”. Self-defense is fine, defending your loved ones is an occasional duty, but defense may only rise to the level of the attack. The moment you exceed it, say, punching a man because he told a joke about your wife, you’re in the wrong. Had Smith merely shouted or cursed back at Rock, or as a friend of mine recently stated, “If he went up on stage, took the mic and [said] that it is never okay to joke about someone’s disability… would have hurt much more than a slap across the face” well, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
Then there’s the other rebuttal. Rock should not have told a joke about Jada’s appearance. I have two reactions to this. First, I fully admit that the first time I heard somebody say this, there was a quiet corner of my psyche wherein lives a young choir boy, who proceeded to laugh and light up a Cuban. Rock is a comedian, and expecting comedians to scrub their joke repertoire of anything that points out personal appearances is beyond unrealistic. Furthermore, I’ll add that being compared to Demi Moore in a movie about a woman being tough enough for Navy special forces, is about as benign as is gets when telling a joke at another person’s expense.
On the other hand, for all my inexperience in this world, I’m smart enough to identify the uselessness of telling a woman to not be offended at something. As another friend commented, “…it’s tacky and unfunny to make jokes at a person’s appearance on a very public, international stage… No one would laugh at Jesse Plemon’s weight or Lady Gaga’s nose.” Rock’s joke was supposedly unscripted, and Jada sat right in front of him, so in nerves it could have been offered on the fly. I don’t expect perfect behavior from comedians, and plenty of jokes are distasteful with this one probably qualifying.
So what exactly did Chris Rock do that was admirable? Simply put, he did not end Will Smith’s career by goading him further. In an emotionally tense situation, he exercised restraint. Watch the clip after he’s hit by Smith. You see shock turn to indecision, and finally resolve to move on. Given Smith’s obvious emotional instability, it would have been easy for Rock to launch another, far more personable insult given the — *clears throat* — alternative nature of Will and Jada’s marriage. One more comment and we would have seen Smith launch himself on stage and a full-on fight break out. I have a feeling that this is exactly what Rock was rapidly weighing in his mind, but he consciously held back, and for that, he was the king of the evening. In a world where people are constantly vying for attention, restraint is such a preciously unique quality.
But the value of the evening doesn’t end with Rock, but rather, with Smith. I have always loved Will Smith. First blockbuster action movie I remember seeing as a child, was Independence Day, where Smith stole the entire show. My respect for him took a significant blow with his actions of the evening, given the fact that his actions were arguably out of character.
But that’s exactly the point - Smith’s actions were out of character. Why would a man snap like that, as he never had before? Then, he posted this apology the other day, and I found myself feeling admiration for his accountability. It’s a real apology. No conditions, disclaimers, or justifications implied. As wrong as it was for him to assault Rock, it was noble to recognize and publicly acknowledge this. In a world full of imperfect people, striving is often the best we’re going to get. We should all do our best to live up to ideals that are noble and moral, but when we inevitably fall short or stumble, the next best thing is to hold ourselves accountable and correct to the best of our ability the deficits we’ve displayed.
And at the crux of all of this, here is what I am most appreciative of from these two men; a way forward. From one, an exercise in restraint that prevented a bad situation from turning worse. In the other, accountability for wrongdoing and an example we can be grateful for.
It serves as both a way forward and a way back for those who have done wrong, and socially, we desperately need more of this. It’s precisely the opposite of the practice of “Cancel Culture”, or, if you prefer it’s more accurate name “Weaponization of moral panic for personal or political gain”. That despicable practice leads to nothing more than mutually assured destruction. We can’t expect anything good to come from a culture that does not permit repentance or remediation.
So in the strangest of ways, I find myself grateful for two members of Hollywood who provided us with something far more substantive than award or prestige - character. While I hope we don’t see repeats of this performance from up-and-comers desperate for a little more attention (though I won’t hold my breath), we’d be fortunate to get more examples such as this.